Belinda's Blog Pages
Virtual Mother and the world of YouTube
by Belinda Joy on 09/02/11
A few weeks ago I was doing my usual scouring of YouTube, peering into others lives and how they think.
I stumbled across this video of a very large Black young woman that looked broken. When I say broken I mean emotionally and physically broken down. She looked unclean and as if she had not slept in days. She was pouring her heart out for who ever would listen. All before a webcam that had seen better days or was simply not formatted to run properly.
Her smile was fake, almost as if she was willing herself to smile. It touched my heart. I found myself crying as I watched her video. She spoke of feeling fat, Black and ugly over and over again. She spoke of how she had been repeatedly raped and abused by the many boyfriends of her abusive mother. She spoke of the many abortions she has had and her constant wondering what the aborted babies could have been. She also spoke of her love of White men and how she was sure they would treat her better than all of the Black men she had been exposed to. Yes....this was a broken woman.
I reached out to her. I inboxed her and told her I wanted to be there for her if she needed someone to talk to, connect with. To my happy surprise she responded immediately. She was happy I had reached out to her. We exchanged a few emails and I could see she was opening up.
What I found so interesting about her, especially in the YouTube world was that she had very few viewers to her channel and videos. I am talking 1 maybe 3 people. Of the millions of people on YouTube, I had stumbled across this lonely Black girl that was crying out to be heard. Why me Lord? Why me?
She proposed that I be her mother. Her virtual mother. What an idea! Everyone knows I don't have kids and look at Moniqe as my daughter. However, Monie isn't my little girl any more, she is a grown woman and has grown beyond what I envisioned she would be. Maybe the Lord placed this young woman Jackie into my life as a second chance to be a mother? I love the idea and am looking forward to it. To give her advice about life, love, sex, men, family and friends. To help her transform herself into the person she wants to be. To help her transform herself.
I'll keep you guys updated on her progress.
Woo-Hoo! New Camera
by Belinda Joy on 04/28/11
Finally! My new HD camera/camcorder arrived today! I am so excited!
Now I can Vlog on the various sites I use and can start sharing more of my day to day life. It will also give me an opportunity to post here on my personal website some photos from around town. As you guys know I love photography, so having the ability to get back into it is going to make me really happy.
Today was a REALLY bad day at work. It was one of those days where because I didn't have a good night sleep last night, I was dragging. I rushed home only to find my new camera waiting for me. What a wonderful way to end the day.
I'm sitting here playing with my new toy, getting use to it. Aaah Christmas in April.....does it get any better than this? :-)
Fire! Yes Again.
by Belinda Joy on 04/17/11
We had another fire.
And I know none of you are going to believe me, but I knew we would. This will make the 7th fire or fire evacuation in my apartment building in a year and a half. And do you know why it keeps happening? Let's examine the facts shall we? Why aren't apartment buildings in WhiteFish Bay, Elm Grove, RiverHills experiencing fires every couple of months? When you look at the makeup of the tenants of those communities with that of mine, located in the heart of downtown Milwaukee - Comprised of the hodgepodge of various races, ages, professions, ethnicities and disabilities, you begin to understand why it keeps happening.
There are people in our society that have a rhythm to their lives. The work or go to school by day and sleep at night. It is a pattern that is known to be the norm. Then there are people in our society that live their lives to the opposite. Daytime is the time to sleep, while night time is spent getting high, drinking various alcoholic beverages and cooking. 2, 3 and 4 a.m. to them is what noon is to people like you and me. They get high and then cook. They nod off not realizing they could set their homes on fire. Over and over and over again.
Yet if I were to point this out to any of the residents of my apartment complex that are guilty of such behavior, I assure you I would be labeled as racist or bias. Stereotyping in the ugliest manner, many would claim. Stereotyping yes, but am I wrong? Sadly, no.
I think not. I am merely speaking the truth.
Because the elevator gave out, when the smoke cleared, firefighters left and I made my way back into the building, I made my way to the top floor. Climbed 14th floors only to find a man and woman on the top landing sitting in the stairwell smoking weed.
It is almost 6 a.m. and I am pissed. Pissed because this building keeps experiencing fires. But more so pissed because as I said in a previous post, I can't control "who" lives around me.
Time to move. Click Here to see Photo
People are so rude. Does civility still exist?
by Belinda Joy on 04/14/11
I live in an apartment building.
And the worst part of living in an apartment building is you don't have the luxury of picking and choosing who lives within feet of you. You can't decide what they look like, do for a living, whether they bathe, keep their home clean or (and here is the big one) whether they are quiet.
I have been blessed since living here for the past year and a half. It has been blissfully quiet. Then suddenly last week the person living next to me decides to play their music so loud the floors and walls vibrated. Now keep in mind, I live in an historic building that has poured concrete walls. He could murder someone and they could scream at the top of their lungs and I wouldn't hear it. Yet for some reason his music was loud! Really loud.
I was slightly annoyed, but given it was before 10 p.m. I wrote it off as rude, but well within his rights. But then 11...midnight....1 a.m. it was still going on and I was fuming. Do I get up and knock on his door and tell him to turn it down? Well if you've read this blog you understand why I wouldn't simply throw on clothes and go next door. Vanity thy name is Belinda Joy.
So I laid their thinking of everything I was going to say to building management the next day. I was pissed. There was finally silence and with that I began to nod off. At 5 a.m. I was jolted awake by the pounding of music. That was it, that meant war!
Later that morning I sent a message to building management and told them of my night of hell. They assured me they would talk to him and suggested that if it happened again to report it to the police as a noise disturbance. The police? Why must I resort to that? Why can't that idiot next door to me be civil enough to be aware that he "may" be disturbing his neighbor? But I agreed and decided the police would definitely be called.
A couple mornings passed and as I was leaving for work in the morning, I hear the guy that lives next to me, calling out to me. Bloodshot eyes, slurred words, asking if I was the one that complained about his music. I said yes. He apologized and babbled on incoherently about new speakers, headphones, his jobs and calling him if it happened again....he was drinking at 8 a.m.? Yeah, this guy was a piece of work, I thought to myself.
That night I came home to the thumping of his music again. I had just had a brief conversation with building management, telling her about how he had confronted me about reporting him and that I believe it was resolved. Yet that very evening he was back to his old games.
As I am typing this he is playing his music sky high. My feet are literally throbbing from the vibrations.
Why must I tell him his music is too loud? Why doesn't he know his music is too loud? He does. He just doesn't care. And that is sad, and that is what makes me sad. Just another confirmation that society is no longer civil. There was a lot of good that came with the election of Barack Obama as our president. However, it also brought out the uglier side of humanity. In my opinion it began with the Tea Party participants, a congressman heckling our president on the floor of congress, politicians holding up the confederate flag on the ground of congress, an entire cable news station daily spewing out hatred and being applauded by millions for doing so, young boys killing themselves because they are harassed for being what God made them, Gay, Americans of Middle Eastern ancestry being denied their American rights because people of their ilk took part in 9/11....the list goes on and on.
But I am going to let this go. If he plays his music after 10 p.m. again I will simply call the police. End of discussion. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. As I always say, I'm to blessed to be stressed.
Strangers on a train....ummmm elevator.
by Belinda Joy on 04/14/11
For years and years I have been seeing this one particular guy at the elevators in my office building. Tall, salt & pepper hair, deep voice....attractive.
I have spent a lifetime "making" myself attracted to men I found attractive. It is only now, later in life that I have learned the lesson that not everyone we find physically attractive must translate into being "attracted' to them.
Sometimes....sometimes....good looks are simply good looks.
I look back at my dating life and cringe at the countless men I talked myself into thinking I was attracted to, just because I found them handsome. Men that I had absolutely nothing in common with. As different as oil and water, but because they were handsome I said, "I want this guy" What was I thinking?
Anyway, so this guy who I have stood next to hundreds of times on an elevator, exchanged innocent banter about the weather, sports or the temperature of the building, the universe decided to kick it up a notch. I had a business trip to Chicago last week and therefore needed to take the train. As anyone that knows me knows, I love Chicago! Love it. Any chance to go there and I am in. My makeup, hair and clothes were "on point" I looked great and felt great. I stood in the usual long line waiting to board.
Up ahead of me I see this tall guy with thick salt and pepper hair in a black suit. I stare at the back of his head, telling myself that he looked familiar. I know none of you are going to believe me, but I think I was willing him to turn around, because as I told myself for the fourth time "turn around" he did. We were separated by 6 or 7 people, but he turned and looked right at me. It was him! It was my elevator neighbor. I smiled softly as the look on his face was (where do I know her from?) You could practically see the wheels turning in his head.
After a few seconds he smiled. He put two and two together and realized who I was. He went back to reading the paper in his hand as he stood in line, periodically turning to look in my direction. When we started boarding, he made it a point to walk slowly to allow me to catch up to him. We exchanged pleasantries and realized we shared more in common than working in the same office building. We also preferred the quiet car. We made our way to the last car on the train where we would be assure quiet enjoyment on our hour and half ride to Chicago.
I sat on one side and he sat across the aisle from me. I read my book, glancing over at him once in awhile. He read his paper, glancing over at me every few moments. A half hour into our journey he came over and sat next to me. His voice low, almost in a whisper. "Do you mind if I sit next to you?"
"No" I say. "Of course not. You know this is silly. We have seen each other constantly for years, but never officially introduced ourselves. I'm Belinda, and you are?"
His face looked instantly relaxed. "Belinda....great name. Nice to meet you, I'm Mike."
And from that introduction began one of the best conversations I have had in years. Two people who purely on a physical basis you would never think would have much in common, yet our lives are incredibly alike. Beyond the fact the guy is a multi millionaire and I consider myself a struggling middle-age woman. Yet music, movies, books, hobbies, politics, family, morals, values....all simpatico. It was an eye opener. Like me, he was staying the night in Chicago. I ended up having dinner with him. A great dinner peppered with great conversation.
Fast forward a few days and I'm standing at the elevator of my office building and there he is, leaning against the wall reading a newspaper. Almost as if he had been waiting for me. Turns out he had. We shared a short conversation and ended up exchanging phone numbers.
And so began a new friendship. Not a love affair. But a genuine friendship.
I share this because this is yet again another example of how we pass people everyday who we think because they are a different race, age, religion, ethnicity that we can't possibly have anything in common, then we realize we do. And with that realization the world becomes just a little smaller. More intimate.
I love when events like this happen to me. As many of those that are reading can attest to, we met and became friends under similar circumstances. In line at the movies, while strolling the Milwaukee Art Museum, at a street fair, in a coffee shop....and now I call each of you friend.
